Professor Alexis had always been a cold, distant professor to Waterlord Azurilina. Because of this, and a few other reasons, Zul stopped training with Alexis. But, the Professor told her pupil, Zul, to meet her at her house in the evening if she ever wished to continue training. So, one evening, she did just that and stumbled inside her old professor's house...
I am looking for the reader's reaction, that is all.
Why would I be here? In this desolate, barely populated borough on the outskirts of town? Well, in this half-developed land, was where Professor Alexis lived.
Before I even stepped foot on her property, a thick fog descended over the walkway. I barely caught a glimpse of a small sign just a few yards from the front door:
PRIVATE PROPERTY
DO NOT ENTER
Unsure of whether to wait here or stand in the blinding fog, I decided to press on. From what it looked like, her house was well-kept. She had a clean front porch—chairs and a table with small furnishings. She even had flowerpots growing around her front door, sprouting little ferns that captivated the entire blue spectrum.
I knocked on the door.
“Alexis!” I knocked again.
Nothing. That’s weird, I thought and looked around the perimeter. Could she be in the river? Her house bordered the flowing water, though she wasn’t there: just fish swimming by. What about the backyard? Well, there was an open fence gate. Would she mind? The fence gate creaked open more. No. I’m sure she wouldn’t.
I passed the gate as a biting breeze swept by. The hairs on my arms flicked up, and a cruel shiver shook my body.
“Phew, it’s freezing!” I chuckled and approached the backdoor. “Alexis, I’m here!” I knocked again, but the hinge squeaked and the frame opened. “Oh—” I stepped inside. “Alexis!”
I was in her kitchen, near her countertop and sink. For some reason, I felt like something was off. Everything looked too clean. Then, a quick patter of steps scurried off into the deafening silence.
“Huh? Alexis?”
It came from the pantry.
Slowly opening the door, I saw something strange: nothing. There was nothing inside this pantry. Not even a can of food.
“What?” I whispered and closed her pantry door, sighing. “Alexis, I’m here! I think you have a rat, too.”
I felt like I’d be calmer if it wasn’t so cold and dark. With natural light dwindling by the setting sun, shadows began to fade and blend into a uniformity of darkness.
“Alexis! Ale—” I stumbled onto a painting. It was an illustration of her and some man beside her, around the same age, wrapping his arm around the professor. They were wearing the same type of uniform: military, having the same medals, and wearing the same hat as the man. And, she was smiling. It was a faint smile, but it was the most emotion I’d ever seen from her.
“So you were happy, at some point.” I scratched my head. “But when?”
A bookshelf rested below the painting, filled to the brim with old leather bounds. I grabbed one and heard a clink come from the wall.
“Wh—” I put the book back and picked another one. The lanterns on the wall lit up, flaming in a violent geyser of fire before calming down into a normal torch. “What the hell? Alexis!” I chuckled. “Alexis, you secret witch! But if I really wanted to hide something… where would I—” my head tilted toward the painting, “of course, the most unnatural thing—Alexis’ emotions.”
I tried lifting the painting, but it was stiffly glued to the wall. What about twisting it? Lo and behold, that was the secret combination.
Beside me, a hidden doorway contorted and warped, swirling into reality before consolidating into a trapdoor on the ground.
“Invisible spells.” I nodded. “Can’t fool me, though!”
Lifting the wooden frame upward, the trapdoor revealed a ladder.
“Found you, Alexis!” I said, lowering into the basement below. “Was that one of your trials or something?” My feet reached the basement floor. “Hello? Alexis?”
Torches lined up the walls, all spectating the center of the basement where no light dared to touch. There were altars and other devices I hadn’t seen for a long time. What was this place? The chalk on the floor depicted glyphs of the Water and Ice elements.
Then I saw brewing materials. Rows of potions. Hundreds of flasks, filled or empty—assorted in colors that reached the bounds of color. Cauldrons and mixing pots. Why? What am I looking at? Some walls had moss enveloping the stone, and others were cracked or stabbed as if someone personally punched or sliced the wall to make these dents. Was this a hidden sanctum of some sort? Why would Alexis have this?
No doubt, I was unsettled, but the most troubling thing was: why? Why did everything, from the cauldron to the wall, from the flasks to the altar, connect to something in the middle: a glass box?
I approached the center with questions circling around my mind. Though when I saw it and gasped in disbelief, I wished to unsee the flowing water, the boiling chemicals, and the trapped man resting inside.
~
“Zul!” A thundering voice echoed from upstairs. “Do not go down there!”
Using water from the nearby cauldron, I summoned orbs of water to orbit me. “Who is this? Who the hell is this!”
“Eugh!” she shrieked and didn’t even climb down the ladder. She slid down, landing on her two feet as a blade glistened in hand. “You shouldn’t be down here,” she seethed.
“Who is this?” I pointed at the man inside the glass coffin. “What kind of sick game—”
I stopped, not because she interrupted me, but because she started to twitch. Her face was filled with red, puffing gusts of wind out of her nose in pure anger. And all she did was stare at me.
I contemplated if she thought about killing me. I mean, what really was this? Did she kill someone and put him in a coffin? Is she keeping some man as a pet for her own devices? Is that why there are so many potions here? So that she can test out her experiments on this poor soul?
“There are things you don’t know,” Alexis started, “things that should rather be kept hidden until finished.”
I nodded. “Okay… And… and this person is…?”
“Move away.”
“No. No, you’re gonna tell me why you’re pumping chemicals into this person,” I raised a water orb, ready to be fired. “Tell me or—”
“I said: move,” she raised her palm, and before I fired the first shot, she sprayed the ground in spiked ice. It blocked me from engaging her, or even escaping, so I unleashed a flurry of water bolts. There I thought she’d block them, or even try dodging. She point-blank sustained my attack, and without a sweat, froze her hand in a gauntlet of ice while running toward me.
I sustained a punch, similar to how a boulder would feel if it slammed into me. The knockback sent me flying to the outer wall, collapsing and becoming entangled in the moss within it.
“You will not hurt him.” Alexis’ eyes flickered red. “You will leave my house—”
“I don’t want to hurt him—” I tried, but she roared and attempted to punch again. I dodged by sliding my back on the wall, continuously shifting places each time she struck. “Alexis, please, no I thought you were hurting him, I—”
“Why—” her fist slammed into my rib cage, “would—” she grabbed my neck, “I—” she squeezed, “hurt—” locking eye contact, “my—” and finally raised her ice fist to my face, “love.”
“I—”
“Agh!” She released me from her grasp, ending her conjurings and falling into a slump. While digging her knees onto the ground, she sighed as the crazed twinkle in her eye faded. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting her in front of you!” She possessed so much emotion. So much passion and lust for this person as she crawled over to the box. Tears rolled down her face, dripping on the box just above the man’s head. Her hand clenched onto the glass. “I just want you back,” she whispered. “My poor king, resting quietly in a grave, stuck in a place where I cannot be with you.” She turned to me, eyes sore and watery. “You wouldn’t understand. I must bring him back.”
“May I?” I stepped closer, and she nodded for me to approach her. Up close, the man seemed preserved—not dead, but certainly paralyzed or perhaps, in a coma. “What’s his name?”
“Icelord Ryan—” she coughed, “first—my first trainee.”
“Ryan? That name sounds familiar.”
“Because he’s the first king of Trianite’s Kingdom,” she smiled, “he did so much. So, so much. He marched with his army, all in the Goddess’ name. He brought back the Icelords—brought back the element all by himself. All before he…” she showcased him. “All before The Great Collapse.”
“I see…” A moment of silence broke out between us. “I’m sorry for barging in here. I thought this was a trial.”
“It’s fine,” she said. “Now you know why I must get these strange materials. I’ve been trying to restore his consciousness. I’m close.”
“Well, I—”
“He was paler. He… his veins were—” she looked at me, “I’m sorry. I’m sure you don’t want to hear this.”
“No… I want to know.”
“You do?” Her eyes brightened. “Then can I show you around? See what I’ve done?”
“Sure. Show me around, professor.”
Noah, you never fail to deliver. This scene was CRAZY. I felt incredibly carried along by the story, just riding punch after punch (no pun intended) of twists. Oh my god. Keep up the great work!
I would just like to say, however, that my biggest suggestion is extending the part where Alexis is violent and crazied, because it is such a strong burst of emotion, the tension here is high, Zul is feeling a lot of hieghtened emotion and confusion and anger even, then it sort of abruptly ends. I think Zul needs to talk Alexis down more. It should be more drawn out, with more internal confusion and suspicion from Zul at the end around the part taht says "Sure. Show me around, professor".
I might also say you can linger longer on the description of the man's body in the coffin(?). Really draw out the horror of it. Get into playing with how grotesque it looks and feels. Have Zul slowly become paranoid. Perhaps a rat runs across a table and knocks over a flask. make it more eery. Then have Alexis come in. As of now, the " i wished to unsee the flowing water..." line is barely scratching the surface of how impactful this imagery could be.
Alternatively, the opening paragraph, did feel a bit too on the nose. Zul knows why she is there. Zul knows that's where Alexis lives, so the delivery of information as it is right now feels like its being told for the reader, rather than actual thoughts Zul would have. I suggest perhaps " Why, exactly, did I decide to trudge my ass all the way over to this desolate, barely populated part of town? Alexis better be there, otherwise this trip to the city outskirts is a huge waste of time" etc etc