Per Noah's advice, I have re-structured "Of Life and Death's" chapters! This scene occurs right after Juuzou calls Ayu you-know-what but before they fight as Lively Eden and Death Frost. And because it hurts to talk today, I have posted the entire chapter for your viewing pleasure during Independent Reading Time. That was a time during school.
Juuzou checked his phone again. Nothing. He sighed and stuck his cigarette back between his teeth. What was he hoping for? He was acting so stupid and he knew it. His phone buzzed; Juuzou whipped it out at the speed of lightning. It wasn’t a text message. It was a notification from his social media, alerting him that a band had posted something new. Juuzou shoved his phone deep into his pocket and gnashed his teeth against his cigarette. That wasn’t what he wanted right now.
So then what did he want? To hear from Ayu? To be her friend again? Yeah, right. The notion was so ridiculous Juuzou almost laughed. They were never really friends in the first place. They were cohorts trying to find the cosplayers together, closer to coworkers than acquaintances. Sure; that was plausible. Besides, no matter what he did or what happened from here on out, Ayu wouldn’t come back. He was getting his hopes up for nothing; this was so stupid.
But that wasn’t true, was it? No. Juuzou shut his eyes. His throat was dry. He should probably stop smoking so much… Juuzou stuck his cigarette between his lips and sucked in a deep breath. His relationship with Ayu was severed for good. He ought to stop moping and just accept that already. There was no way for him to fix this; there was nothing he could do… Or so Juuzou told himself. He shuffled forward with his hands in his pockets, advancing down the sidewalk at a casual but slow and lengthy stroll. Juuzou didn’t know where he was going. Well, in the first place, it was his parents’ fault for putting him into a bad mood! If his mom hadn’t gone through his stuff, this whole situation never would have ever happened.
That was the answer Juuzou had come up with, but… He was just telling himself all this bullshit to feel better. Except it was true, wasn’t it? Juuzou removed his cigarette from his mouth and squeezed it between his fingers. Deep down, if he sifted through the threads enough… Yeah. In some way or another, his parents were to blame, weren’t they? That had always been the case for as long as Juuzou could remember. It wasn’t a lie, right? Right!?
“Yo, look who it is! Never thought you’d wander over here, Hanazoe.”
Juuzou blinked. A dingy, dirty, and dimly-lit alleyway stared back at him. Its wide corridor was filled to the brim by delinquents: some with visible tattoos, others with wild hair styles, almost all with cigarettes stuck between their teeth. Juuzou could recognize most of them by name. He sucked in a breath. The Chasers had made a new base here? Sure, there was a convenient store nearby, even a stationary shop, and a few restaurants, but… Being so close to those locations was risky in and of itself. People passing by would report their loitering on sight. Perhaps Honda felt as though he needed to take some ballsy chances to expand his territory ever since the Chasers’ lousy performance at Shun’s Rebellion. But fucking hell, Honda of all people was the last thing Juuzou wanted to deal with right now… He crushed his cigarette between his fingers—extinguishing it—and glowered as the leader of the Chasers sauntered up to him with a smirk. Honda removed the cigarette from his mouth and exhaled. Juuzou furrowed his brow, blinking and averting his gaze as the smoke streamed straight into his eyes.
“Haven’t heard from you in a while, Hanazoe!” Honda boomed. Juuzou clicked his tongue.
“Fuck off, Honda. I don’t want to hear it.”
Juuzou turned to leave. He heard the snap of fingers; three bulky gangsters suddenly materialized in front of him. Juuzou flared his nostrils as he released an aggravated sigh. Two of them he recognized from their fight at the Rango Cafe. Honda’s personal hunting dogs, ready to sic their fangs into any prey he pointed them at. Juuzou glowered; Honda’s smirk deepened.
“You know the rules, Hanazoe,” Honda taunted in a sing-song tone. “You don’t just wander onto someone’s territory—even unintentionally—and get to leave scotch-free. Nah, there’s always consequences for this kinda shit. Ain’t that right, boys!?” The Chasers responded with murmurs of approval. “Louder!” Honda’s lackeys yelled.
“If you’re here to just spit at me, get it over with,” Juuzou growled.
The least he could get away with was a few verbal insults. If Honda ordered all of the Chasers to attack, he would never be able to win. There were too many of them. But on the flip side… Maybe getting beat up within two inches of his life wouldn’t be so bad. Deep down, some part of Juuzou knew: he absolutely deserved it. No, what was he thinking? That was the worst possible outcome! He needed to avoid it at all costs! Now was not the time to act stupid or run his mouth.
“What’ve you been up to?” Honda asked coyly, twirling his cigarette between his fingers. “I know you’ve got a girl stored somewhere. Having lotsa fun with her? Hm? C’mon, we’re old pals! You can tell me all the juicy details!” Juuzou’s hands balled into a fist. He glared daggers at Honda, but refused to take the bait. Honda chortled and pulled on his cigarette. “Relationship troubles, eh? It happens, don’t take it personally. If it doesn’t work out with her, well,” Honda shrugged and then spread his arms wide into a welcoming arc, “the Chasers have been pretty damn quiet without you around.”
Juuzou glared at Honda, who raised an eyebrow. Several seconds passed. Honda’s smile turned into a deep frown. The silence weighed heavily in the air; Juuzou’s defiance was deafening with his obvious answer. Honda’s face contorted in anger as he lowered his arms. He spat at Juuzou, who swiftly dodged the glob of saliva. Honda snarled, “…You’re an ungrateful brat, y’know that? I gave you two—not one but two—chances to come back to the Chasers. I’ve been very generous with you, Hanazoe, but all you’re gonna do is spit in my face? Really? You’re not gonna say anything? Seriously!? Dude!”
Honda continued shouting, but his words became as hazy as the smoke leaking from his cigarette. It was like listening to a teacher ramble on and on and on about a subject Juuzou couldn’t give two shits about. His gaze drifted. His eyes settled above the heads of Honda’s bouncers, all shorter than Juuzou. He squinted.
Someone walked down the road; as she drew nearer, her features defined themselves in more detail. She was short and wore a light, flowing, pale pink dress that cut off just above her knees. The straps of her dress were covered by the handles of a yellow backpack. She wore sneakers and half-rimmed glasses. Her messy auburn hair was cut into a bob that stopped right at her chin. Juuzou’s eyes widened.
“Move.”
“Hey!” Honda barked. “I ain’t done talking to ya! Oi! Get back here, you fucking coward!”
Juuzou shoved past the bouncers and raced up the straight. Even if the Chasers ran after him, they would never catch up. Honda knew that well. After all, Juuzou was how the Chasers got their name in the first place; hunting down their rivals and sprinting past them for an ambush. They chased and there was no one better at it than Juuzou. Sometimes he participated in the subsequent beating. Sometimes he didn’t; it depended on his mood. But at the end of the day, running was all Juuzou was good for.
He stopped right outside the stationary store. He peered inside. Juuzou’s breath hitched in his throat. It was Ayu. Why the fuck did he come here!? His legs just started moving… And he couldn’t help himself. Juuzou stared at Ayu through the glass windows of the stationary store. She didn’t look well. Her brown eyes were dampened by deep, dark bags and they no longer carried the warmth he always associated her with. They were puffy, too. Had she been crying?
Of course she had. Juuzou wanted to smack himself. He saw her start crying right after… He swallowed saliva into his suddenly dry throat. Ayu picked up a campus notebook. The autumn semester was starting soon; she was probably doing all of her back-to-school shopping now. Of course she would, now that she had the time since she wasn’t… Juuzou lit a new cigarette and sucked in several deep breaths of tobacco. He glanced back at Ayu. She placed several notebooks in her shopping basket and observed some mechanical pencils right after. There was a dullness to her movements; it was weird seeing her without that brightness. That pep in her step and her beaming expression. Always smiles with this girl… Well, whatever. Ayu was probably just having a bad hair day or something. Yeah… That was probably it. It had to be. Juuzou pulled on his cigarette again.
“Hello, Miss! Did you know? We’re having a buy three get one free sale on loose-leaf graph paper! Are you interested?”
Ayu flinched. Her eyes were wide as saucers. It was almost miniscule, but Juuzou could see that she was trembling. He furrowed his brow. Normally, she would start sputtering and try to get words out, but right now… Ayu’s mouth was a hard line. She couldn’t even get out half-formed words. Her fear and anxiety was obvious on her face. Juuzou’s fingers twitched.
Help her. It’ll be easy! You know it will be. You’ve done it before. She needs help.
Oh, but… Juuzou gnawed on the end of his cigarette. If I go in there, Hiiragi will see me… Then I’d have to… I’d have to…
“You can’t even do a single fucking thing by yourself, you altruistic bitch!”
Juuzou turned on his heel and ran up the street. He gritted his teeth. Why the fuck did he say that? He didn’t mean it. He really didn’t! But… Ayu didn’t know that. And Juuzou was too much of a coward to say it to her face. He’d always been a bit rough—and admittedly, sometimes a little mean—with her, but… He’d hurt her this time. Ayu probably never wanted to see Juuzou’s face ever again. As much as he hesitated to admit it, as embarrassing as it was for a guy like him… He treasured her. He cherished their friendship. He appreciated it when Ayu patched up his injuries. He was grateful to her when she stood up to Izayoi Akira for him.
Juuzou didn’t know where he was anymore. The road was lonely and empty, devoid of cars and people. His chest heaves as his eyes stung. Something fell down and he frowned. What… Was this? Juuzou felt his face. It was wet. Tears. He was crying? But why!? He gnashed his teeth against his cigarette. He knew. He always knew; he knew all along, he just refused to admit it. Juuzou couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t ignore the truth forever. He couldn’t keep making excuses or coming up with white lies or living in delusion. Juuzou couldn’t stand this anymore. His cowardly self had to confront reality: he was entirely at fault. Those awful words came out of his mouth. He yelled at Ayu and now he was reaping the consequences. If Juuzou lost Ayu forever…
He only had himself to blame.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”
The scream tore at Juuzou’s vocal chords, reducing them to shreds. An icy chill spread around his feet, rising to consume his whole body. Darkness engulfed him, plowing down his throat and constricting his limbs. It hurt, but Juuzou gladly welcomed it. He should’ve provoked Honda into beating him up; the pain would’ve been a welcome addition—a welcome distraction—to these self-inflicted wounds. Juuzou greedily allowed himself to become one with the ice and shadows. The cold spread over the road and spilled onto the sidewalk, freezing it in ice. It defied the heat of the summer sun.
Death Frost opened his eyes. He flexed his hand. His body ached and he shuddered; it didn’t hurt physically but it was so very, very painful. He couldn’t live with this pain. He needed to get rid of it. He was cold. So, so very cold; his tears had frozen onto his face. A cloud of fog escaped Frost’s lips. Crystalline sparkles of ice danced in the light of the sun. He was so cold he might shatter at any moment. Good thing he was looking to be shattered today.