So I received some very fair criticism that Juuzou - in several scenes I have shown - acted a bit too mean to Ayu. I was recommended to tone down the assholery and show that Juuzou actually does care about Ayu. It was also suggested to me in the latter of these two scenes that Ayu should get worse because of Juuzou before she gets better. So, with all that in mind, I have edited these very familiar scenes to hopefully reveal some of the nuances of Juuzou's character and adjust his relationship with Ayu. What do we think of the improved versions?
Chapter 6
“You did mention that part back at the cafe,” Juuzou recalled. “So? What’s the deal with the pencil bag?”
“A-Are you sure you still wanna hear?”
“Oh, my god, you—” Juuzou exhaled through his nostrils and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Okay, whatever. I get it. You’re bad at talking and bad at talking about yourself. I could’ve fucking guessed.” Ayu flinched.
“I-I guess so… I’m not used to having so much attention on me… Even just one person is kind of a lot. And I really don’t want to bore other people or make them think I’m weird…”
“Christ almighty…” Juuzou shook his head. “Whatever. You’ll learn, I guess. So? Hit me. What’s up with the pencil pouch? I promise I won’t judge.”
“Oh, well… I like frogs!” Ayu blurted out. “And snails! And slugs! I think they’re cute! I-I wanna have a pet snail one day but my mom always says no…”
“That’s it? Huh… I thought it’d be something more… profound.” Juuzou shrugged.
“W-What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I guess— Well, I thought most people’s perception of ‘cute’ involved frilly things and kittens and puppies and stuff. When we first met, I sort of assumed you were the same.” Juuzou paused. “It’s not bad to be different, though.”
“So— You’re— Not… annoyed?” Ayu squeaked.
“…No? Why would I be?” Juuzou questioned.
“Well— I just thought— That maybe— Since I’ve been rambling and sort of… Wasting time— You’d—”
“Will you cut that out!?” Juuzou roared. Ayu cringed. “Quit it with the half-formed sentences already! For fuck’s sake, just spit it out!”
“I’m sorry— I’m so sorry— I didn’t—”
“Hiiragi…” Juuzou blinked at the tears pricking at Ayu’s eyes. “That… That was uncalled for. Aw, shit. Hey, are you alright?”
“Y-Yeah, I’m fine… You just scared me, yelling out of nowhere like that. Did… Did I do something wrong?”
“No! Oh, God, no! I just… I don’t usually hang out with people as sensitive as you. I didn’t mean to spook you. Honest.” Juuzou pulled a packet of tissues out of his pocket. “Here… Take as many as you want.”
“T-Thank you.” Ayu wiped the corners of her eyes.
“Hey, how about this: going forward, I’ll just tell you if you get on my nerves,” Juuzou suggested. “So you don’t have to assume anything. Is that any better?”
“R-Really?”
“Yeah. If anything, that should help with your whole ‘can’t talk for shit’ problem. We’re in the hunt for the cosplayers together so communication’s gonna be key. Just say what you want to and I’ll clap back. Or not. Does that work?”
“Y-Yes! Thank you so much, Hanazoe!”
“Oh, by the way, can you talk on the phone alright? Or should I just text?”
“I prefer texting but if it’s urgent, I can call.”
“Aight, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Chapter 9
“Hiiragi? Hiiragi!? Oi, Hiiragi, are you still there!?”
“H-Hanazoe?”
“What the fuck happened? You went quiet all of a sudden!”
“O-Oh, it’s nothing. D-Don’t worry about it.”
“Bullshit! You sound like you’re crying.”
Ayu blinked and touched her face. Sure enough, the skin of her cheeks was wet with tears. She bit her lip.
“I— I— I-It’s really nothing, Hanazoe. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine.”
“Well… Whatever. Did you find anything?”
“I… Um, well— I… You see, I—”
“Just spit it out! Yes or no!? Did you find anything or not!?”
“I-I did, but…”
“Okay, then what is it!? C’mon! We don’t have all day here!”
“B-But… I— I don’t… I don’t think— I-I’m not sure—”
“Christ, I thought we went over this! Stop blubbering and just tell me what you found!”
“Hanazoe, I—”
Ayu sucked in a breath as she leaned against the wall of the building. She wanted to tell Juuzou, she really did! But… Her knees gave out and she crumpled to the floor. Ayu couldn’t keep her sobs quiet anymore; her tears choked her throat with hiccups as she sniffled back snot. She drew up her knees and hugged them tightly to her chest. She buried her face between her thighs as she held her phone away from her face. Ayu didn’t want Juuzou to hear her cry.
“Hiiragi…? Oh, fuck. I— Hiiragi, I didn’t mean to— Shit, are you alright?”
Ayu hiccupped. The words clawed at her throat but the tears clogged her vocal chords. She couldn’t form a sentence.
“Hiiragi… It’s okay,” Juuzou reassured. “You’ve been through a lot, right? Probably? I didn’t mean to push you over the edge, I swear. I got ahead of myself. I didn’t realize… Okay, just… let it out. When you’re ready, you can tell me what’s wrong. Yeah?”
Ayu nodded. She knew Juuzou wouldn’t know without an audible reply, but… Just hearing his voice say those words was enough. She hoped he would understand. The tears eventually receded down Ayu’s throat, freeing her vocal chords for words. When she found her voice, it was squeaky and rubbed raw with emotion.
“I just… I feel like no matter what I do, I’m gonna mess up! E-Every time I try to do something—take a step forward—nothing goes right. Everyone just becomes upset. A-And it’s always my fault! I ruin everything. I’m so sorry, Hanazoe. I-I know you don’t see me as a friend yet but here I am crying to you… I’m sorry. We haven’t made much progress and it’s all my fault. I’m so—”
“Woah, woah, woah, stop apologizing,” Juuzou balked. “Hiiragi, what are you talking about? Why are you blaming yourself? We haven’t made much progress yet because we’ve barely started this whole thing!”
“B-But if I just get more involved in this, we might never find out who the cosplayers really are!” Ayu protested. “I’ll just drag you down, Hanazoe-kun. I think maybe it’s best if we go our separate ways. Maybe if we search for the cosplayers apart we can—”
“Hiiragi, stop. Take a deep breath. Listen, there’s no point in doing this solo!” Juuzou pointed out. “Tracking down those cosplayers is impossible for one person. There’s too many of them. And we cover more ground this way. Y’know, just today I caught the first half of the fight and you saw the other half. You’re not… You’re not useless, Hiiragi. You’ve got good ideas.”
“So you… You want to continue working with me? Really?”
“Yes!”
“A-Are you sure? I might just—”
“Holy shit, I already said yes! Either accept it or go to hell!”
“Sorry, sorry, anyway.” Ayu giggled. She imagined Juuzou just threw his arms up in exasperation. “I think… I think I might have found out who one of the cosplayers might be. I saw a flash of lightning and then I snapped a picture of him.”
“Wait, seriously!? That’s huge!”
“The problem is, I don’t know who he is.”
“That’s fine. We—er, I—can ask around. This is great, Hiiragi! Looks like we finally have a lead!”
“Y-Yeah! I-I guess you’re right!” Ayu beamed. “Thank you, Hanazoe.”
“You were really going through something there, huh? I didn’t know you could be such a defeatist.”
“Aha-ha… I guess you’re right. Thanks, Hanazoe. I don’t want to give up. I want to find out who the cosplayers really are. And I’m not going to drag you down, Hanazoe. I’ll try my best to take a step forward! I’ll find the courage!” Ayu declared.
“That sounds a bit more like the Hiiragi I know.” Juuzou snickered. “Good for you, Hiiragi. This might be just what we need.”